Calm Carl

Stories

Bus Stop Banter

‘A’ sat on the bench of the bus stop as the rain fell down, at the other end of the seat sat ‘B’

A (mumbling) Bastard! Bastard! Bastard!

B Sorry?

A What?

B Did you say something?

A No, no…well, not to you. Sorry, I’m a bit annoyed.

B About?

A The shopkeeper, in there, he short changed me. (whisper) Bastard!

B Really? What happened?

A I bought a pass and a Mars bar with a tenner and he gave me a change of a fiver…

B Rags loved Mars bars.

A Pardon?

B My cat, Rags, he loved Mars bars, used to sit on my lap and share it with me.

A Did he?

B Yeah, (sniffs) he used to sit on my lap and watch the news with me when I got in.

A You can’t trust cats, all they care about is food and sleep!

B Have you ever had a cat?

A No! Well yes, but it ran away.

B Oh Rags was different, he had personality, he was a friend.

A They’re few and far between. Most people just think about themselves. Number one, that’s what’s important in this life, number one. They don’t think what effect they have on others, how they can hurt people, most people just think about themselves.

B I had him 13 years, that’s a good age for a cat I suppose.

A Apart from my family I haven’t known anyone for more than … 5 years I suppose.

B Yeah, 13 years. I still remember what he was like as a kitten…climbing up the curtains to look out the window, wrecking the house, paw prints on everything.

A Sounds like my last lodger, piss taking bastard. No more! I’m happier on my own, then they can’t get to you, can’t find your weaknesses…or your stash!

B Have you ever had a pet?

A Uh?

B Apart from the cat, have you had a pet?

A No.

B You should get one, a cat, or a dog, a bird or even a snake. They love you unconditionally.

A I don’t like cats, dogs bite, birds frighten me, cos of Hitchcock and snakes are ugly.

B Here comes the bus.

Stories